Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
