6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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