Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
