i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
