im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
