I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
