i think i have herpe
just one?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
