Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
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I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
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I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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