What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
