My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
