Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
