I think i peed on brittanys purse
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
love makes seman taste better
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
