Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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