would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
