So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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