idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
