Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
