I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
