Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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