i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
