guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
