I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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