i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
