I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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