chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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