I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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