Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
