i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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