broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize