I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
