went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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