If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
