im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
