i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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