Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
