I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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