we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
