she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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