You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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