R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
