My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
As shirtless as possible
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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