I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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