he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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