the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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