at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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