you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
