Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
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It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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