btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
