I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
