Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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