I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
