based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
