Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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