Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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