STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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