At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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