I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
