chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
