I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
