Who wears a wallet chain?!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
The beer is more important than you right now.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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