she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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