Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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