im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
