She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
