I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
